Life as he knew it
by simbagirl
Summary: He aced to touch her, to let her know that everything was going to be okey.But she didn´t want him to touch her and he didn´t know that everything was going to be okey.
1. Silence

**Title: **_Life as he knew it._

**Disclaimer:** _I own nothing in this story. Sue and you will get 2 €. Maybe._

**A/N: **_Just had this idea in my head. _

**Paring:** _Jackie and Hyde._

* * *

He liked having her close to him, liked feeling her warm body next to his.

He drew her closer to him and pressed a kiss to her forehead, enjoying the feel of her skin against his lips.

She looked up at him and smiled before turning her attention back to the tv.

* * *

She made him happy. It was new to him, this feeling of happiness. He was not used to it.

He was not used to loosing himself so completely in a girl. It scared him. A lot. And at the same time, it filled him with peace.

Everytime they kissed it felt like coming home. Everytime they made love it felt like he was in heaven.

When she smiled it made his heart swell and when she cried he felt it brake.

She was the One. The only girl he ever trusted. The one he told all his secrets to. She was the only one who could make him laugh, even when he felt like crying.

She was the only woman he ever loved.

* * *

After his parents left he had promised himself not to trust anyone, not to love anyone. If you didn´t trust anyone, didn´t love anyone, it didn´t hurt as much when they left. Because they always left.

His friends never got close to him, never figured him out. He always kept them at a distance, always kept up a wall between them.

He was afraid of what would happen if they got to close, if he let them in. If they saw the real him.

Would they stay?

Or would thay run like everyone else had?

He was afraid to find out. So he stayed behind the wall, hid behind his sunglasses. It was safer that way.

Safer. And lonelier.

It worked fine. Until he met **her**.

Until he fell in love.

* * *

She was worried about something.

He could see it in her eyes, feel it in her body.

The fact that she hadn´t spoken since the tv-show started wasn´t lost on him. She always talked. About everything and nothing. Clothes and shoes. Make-up and cheerleading.

He pretended that it disturbed him, that he was annoyed by her constant chatter.

The truth was that he loved to hear her talk, to see her eyes shine when she told him about some

dress she had seen at the mall or when some of her friends had given her a compliment on her new shoes.

She was never quiet. Never. And her silence unnerved him.

He looked down at her and saw her biting her lip.

- Jackie?

She jumped when she heard his voice and it made him wonder what was on her mind. What would make her this jumpy?

- Yeah?

- What´s wrong?

She looked at him, surprise showing in her eyes.

How can she think that I dosen´t notice that something´s wrong? Does she think that I´m that ignorant?

- Nothing´s wrong she said, her eyes turned away from him and her voice low.

She wasn´t verry good at lying.

- Jackie.

- I´m fine Steven.

Her voice was to high and her smile to forced.

- No, you´re not. Stop lying.

She moved away from him and started playing with the hem of her skirt. She bit her lip and she looked like she was about to cry.

He felt knots forming in the pit of his stomac. What was wrong?

- Babe, talk to me. Please.

He tried to take her hand but she wouldn´t let him. She just shook her head and swallowed, her body trembling. He aced to touch her, to let her know that everything was going to be okey.

But she didn´t want him to touch her and he didn´t know that everything was going to be okey.

He didn´t even know what was wrong.

She was quiet so long that he had given up hope of getting an answer.

Then he heard her whisper and the words that came out of her mouth was the last words he was expecting.

- Am I making you unhappy?

He stared at her, not understanding the words that came out of her mouth. She? Make him unhappy? That was like asking if the sun was green.

Why would she think that? Had he not shown her how happy he was? How happy **she **made him?

- What? Why would you ask me such a stupid question?

- You are **not** happy Steven.

He wasn´t?

- I´m not? What ever gave you that idea?

- I´m not blind. You don´t sleep, you bearly eat. It has been days since we made love. And lately, when I´ve catched you looking at me, you´ve had this weird expression on your face, like you wished you saw someone else. Like you wish I was someone else. You are not happy.

- Jackie...

- No, it´s okey. It´s fine, really. I just wanna know what I have done wrong.

He cringed.

She always seemed so strong, so in control that sometimes he forgot how insecure she really was. He wasn´t the only one who had lost his parents. He wasn´t the only one who had trubble trusting people, trusting in himself.

He wasn´t the only one who had feelt unloved.

* * *

- Babe, look at me. Come on, look at me.

She refused and he cupped her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes.

She was crying, her beautiful eyes was full of tears.

He sighed, feeling tears shimmering in his own eyes.

He cursed himself for not telling her. He should have known that she would notice that something was wrong. That she would think that she had done something wrong.

- Oh baby... I´m so sorry. I should have told you what it was that was bothering me. It´s not you okey? It´s never been you.

- Then what?

Her voice was low, unbelieving.

- It´s my dad.

* * *

Should I continue? Please press the little button below and let me know what you think. 


	2. Pretending

_You haven´t given up on me I hope? I´m sorry that it has taken me this long to update. __My muse wouldn´t work with me..._

_And I know that both Steven and Jackie are pretty out of character in this story. Just... __Just bare with me,ok?_

_

* * *

_

"_Oh baby... I´m so sorry. I should have told you what it was that was bothering me. It´s __not you okey? It´s never been you."_

"_Then what?"_

"_It´s my dad."_

_

* * *

_

She knew that something was wrong, had known it for weeks.

She had seen it in his eyes, heard it in his voice.

Unlike what some people thought, she wasn´t blind to other peoples pain. She wasn´t so deaf that she didn´t hear the sadness in peoples voices.

In Stevens voice.

He wasn´t happy.

And she wondered what she had done to screw it up.

* * *

She had started to notice the change in him a couple of weeks ago, in the beginning of May.

She had come over to the basement a saturday, hoping to find Steven alone. School had been a bich and it had felt like it been weeks since they had seen each other.

She found him sitting on the sofa, his head in his hands, his sunglasses laying on the floor.

And worry had crept up her spine.

- Steven?

He had turned his head towards her and her worry had turned in to shock when she had seen the look of sadness in his eyes.

Steven Hyde didn´t show his emotions. In fact, he kept them so thightly under wrap that she sometimes wondered in he cared for her at all.

He didn´t take of his sunglasses. He didn´t look like his world had fallen apart.

He didn´t look like he did right then.

- Jackie, hi. What are you doing here?

He had picked up his glasses and put them on, shielding his eyes from her.

- I just wanted to see you. Is something wrong?

And she knew, before he even opened his mouth, that he would lie to her. Damn that man and his zen.

- Everything´s fine.

There was something he wasn´t telling her, but she didn´t want to pry, knowing he´d just lie to her again.

And she was sick of getting lied to.

* * *

She tried to show him that she was there for him, that he could trust her. She tried to show him that she loved him, believed in him.

She didn´t talk about their future, about marriage. She tried to stop talking about cheerleading and clothes, knowing that he found that boring.

They had sex almost every night and that was the only times he seemed happy.

And she wanted him happy. So badly.

And then, they stopped. They laid in his bed, doing nothing but sleeping.

At least she slept. Most of the time.

He stopped doing anything. He didn´t eat, he bearly slept. He had nightmares that woke her up, his arms squeezing her so tight that she could bearly breathe.

The looks he gave her,the expession on his face...

She started to wonder who he saw when he looked at her, who he _wanted_ to see.

Because it was clear that it wasn´t her anymore.

She told herself that she should have know that this was coming. After all, didn´t everyone in Point Place think that he was crazy for going out with her? Hadn´t they all told her that he would get tired of her, that it was just a matter of time?

And know they where all free to say _"I told you so"._ Because Steven was clearly figuring out a way to dump her.

Then, a friday when they where sitting in the basement,watching tv, something happened.

She had pretended for so long. Pretended that everything was fine, that her heart wasn´t slowly breaking.

Pretended, like she did when he pulled her closer to him and pressed a kiss to her forehead and she just smiled.

Pretended that she enjoyed the show they where watching when all she wanted to do was cry.

And then he had to go and ask her what was wrong.

He didn´t belive her lies and kept pushing her to tell the truth.

He called her babe, his voice lazed with worry, and her body started to tremble.

And then the words just came out of her mouth.

- Am I making you unhappy?

She cursed herself when she heard the tears in her voice.

- What? Why would you ask me such a stupid question?

The disbelief was evident in his voice and she almost looked at him, wanting to see the look in his eyes. Not that she would see it. The glasses where on, as usual.

- You are **not** happy Steven.

- I´m not? What ever gave you that idea?

She almost snorted. Did he really think so little of her?

- I´m not blind. You don´t sleep, you bearly eat. It has been days since we made love. And lately, when I´ve catched you looking at me, you´ve had this weird expression on your face, like you wished you saw someone else. Like you wish I was someone else. You are not happy.

- Jackie...

Now he sounded tired, sad.

- No, it´s okay. It´s fine, really. I just wanna know what I have done wrong.

And again, her stupid voice betrayed ger emotions. She sounded like a sad little girl.

* * *

He wanted her to look at him, but she refused, knowing he would see the tears in her eyes.

But he forced her, cupping her chin in his hand.

He saw her tears and sighed. And she was almost sure she saw tears in his eyes to.

Hard to see behind those stupid glasses.

- Oh baby... I´m so sorry. I should have told you what it was that was bothering me. It´s not you, okey? It´s never been you.

- Then what?

She didn´t belive him. Didn´t dare to belive him.

- It´s my dad.

His dad.

He took of his glasses, throwing them on the table. He looked at her, sadness still lingering in his eyes.

- What? Your _dad_?

- You heard me. It´s not about you dollface.

He started to wipe away her tears with his thumbs, caressing her face. Then he leaned in and gave her a sweet, soft kiss on the lips.

- Okey? You do make me happy.

She gave him a small, watery smile.

- Really?

- Really. And, again, I´m sorry for these past weeks. It´s just been a little to much.

- What has?

- Da..._Bud_ called. He was drunk, as usual, Said he needed money. He was in a police station in Vegas and he wanted me to come and bail him out. He´d beat the crap out of somebody.

That selfish, idiotic bastard.

- What did you tell him?

- To go to hell. Then I hung up.

Now it was her turn to comfort him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face against his shoulder. She felt him take a deep breath and then exhale, some of the tension leaving his body.

- And the looks I´ve been giving you... I didn´t want _you_ to be anybody else. It was me. _I _wanted to be someone else.

- Oh... Look, I´m sorry about Bud. I know how it feels.

And she did, all too well. Shouldn´t parents love their children?

- I know. That´s why I didn´t tell you. Didn´t want to bring up the bad memories.

He was so sweet sometimes. And stupid.

- You should have told me Steven. We´re a... a couple, you know? You are supposed to share stuff like this.

He pulled her into his lap, his arms going around her, his face in her hair.

- I know. It´s just... hard sometimes.

- Yeah.

They sat there for a while, in silence, until a question started to circle her brain.

- So this is why we haven´t... you know... done it for a week?

She almost felt the smile on his face.

- You missed the sex?

She looked up at him, saw the way he smirked and blushed.

He laughed, kissing the tip of her nose.

-Don´t laugh at me.

She slapped him on one arm, pretending to be angry.

-Ow, that hurt. I´m sorry alright? You´re just so cute when you blush.

- Right.

He turned serious, a frown on his face.

- You do know that you´re beautiful don´t you?

She stared at him,surprised.

He wasn´t that kind of guy, he didn´t shower her with compliments. He wasn´t Michael and she loved him for it.

But still, sometimes, she got unsecure.

- You are. Beautiful I mean.

- Thank you.

- I mean it.

- I know.

She stopped, not sure if she should continue.

- But?

- The only time you seemed happy these past weeks was when we where in bed. And then you stopped wanting me and...

- Whoa, stop right there. Stopped wanting you? Are you crazy?

- Then why...?

- It felt like I was using you. Like I was pressuring you to sleep with me so that I could feel happy, normal, for a couple of hours. It wasn´t fair.

- Why didn´t you tell me that? It felt like you where pushing me away.

- Oh baby... No. Never.

- Never?

He bent his head and kissed her again, harder this time.

- Never.

- Okay.

- Yeah. So...

- So?

- Come to my room with me?

- And do what?

She supressed a smile when she saw the gleam in eyes.

- Something we haven´t done in a week.

- I thought you´d never ask.

She got up from his lap, took his hand and pulled him up.

He put his arms aroud her and held her, thight

- You know how I feel about you right?

- Yeah.

And she did. At times like this she could read everything in his eyes.

- Come on. Let´s go to bed.

And then he chased her to his room, making her giggle.

* * *

TBC... So, what do you think? Does it stink of shit or smell of roses? Review!!! 


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